New year, new you.

New who? A couple of days into January, and some of you are already feeling the sting of those freshly minted New Year’s resolutions slipping through your fingers. Sound familiar?

Don’t worry—you’re not alone. In fact, this cycle of setting ambitious goals only to feel the weight of unmet expectations is exactly why New Year’s resolutions might be doing you more harm than good. 

So What If You Treated Yourself Like A Friend?

What if, instead of trying to fix yourself, you decided to support yourself? What if this year, you resolved to treat yourself like your own best friend?

What New Year’s Resolutions Are Really Good For

Let’s get real: what are New Year’s resolutions, actually? They’re intentions dressed up in fancy, high-stakes packaging. And there’s nothing wrong with intentions—if you treat them as such.

But here’s the thing: for intentions to stick, they need a clear why. Without a meaningful reason behind them, they’re like seeds scattered on rocky ground. When the going gets tough, they wither.

This is why blindly following trends or chasing what others are doing often doesn’t work. Real change comes from within, from being pulled forward by something deeply personal—like a vision that lights you up from the inside. Your why is that reason, that inner light, deeply rooted in you that it naturally pulls you forward.

Why Resolutions Feel Like a Slap in the Face

Let’s face it: New Year’s resolutions can be tricky. On the surface, they’re about improvement. But too often, they start with the assumption that we’re not good enough. Adding pain as they help us spotlight our (perceived) failures. Missed exercise, skipped journals, that pile of dishes—suddenly, all our shortcomings are there, whispering, “Here’s what you’re not good enough at.”

Who needs that energy? You’re trying to grow, not dig yourself into a pit of guilt. What you actually want is something energizing. Something that propels you forward—like a New Year’s rocket.

We’re Wired to See the Negative

That kind of thinking doesn’t just zap your energy—it also taps into your brain’s negativity bias, the hardwired tendency to focus on failures.  This means we’re more likely to notice and remember what went wrong than what went right. Sound familiar?—It’s a survival mechanism from our cave days. Recognizing dangers or mistakes could mean the difference between life and death. The more danger your system has perceived, the more this bias floods you. It’s built-in and won’t go away—this is why we need to stress the positive so much to remember it at all. 

Unfortunately, our schooling system has only reinforced this bias. Think about it: we’re taught to spot mistakes, circle errors in red ink, and focus on the one “error” amid a page of beautiful writing. Rarely are we encouraged to underline what’s good, to celebrate strengths, or to build on what’s working.

This isn’t just demoralizing; it’s counterproductive. Fixating on failures drains energy, leaving little room for the creativity and enthusiasm needed to fuel meaningful change.

Instead, let’s approach the new year with a mindset that energizes rather than depletes—a mindset rooted in vision, compassion, and joy.

What to Do Instead: Become Your Own Best Friend

This year, I’m challenging you to try something radical: treat yourself like your own best friend.

Think about it. When your best friend is stressed, upset, or falling short of their goals, do you berate them? Do you keep score of their failures and shove it in their face? Of course not. You listen. You offer kindness. You remind them of their strengths and their worth.

Now, imagine doing that for yourself.

Next time you hit a wall—whether it’s a skipped yoga session, a tough day at work, or just feeling like life’s out to get you—pause. Ask yourself: How would I react if this were my best friend?

Would you shame them? Or would you help them zoom out, find perspective, and cheer them on for trying in the first place?

Why Self-Kindness Matters

Here’s the shift: real change doesn’t come from beating yourself up. It comes from lifting yourself up.

In Buddhist practice, compassion is a cornerstone—we want to grow wisdom and compassion for the benefit of all beings. Yes, and all beings includes YOU.  When you treat yourself with kindness, you’re not being selfish; you’re practicing a fundamental aspect of compassion. After all, it’s hard to extend genuine compassion to others if your inner world is filled with self-criticism and judgment.

So, what does it mean to be your own best friend? It means showing up for yourself, even when you fall short. It means speaking to yourself with the same understanding and encouragement you’d offer someone you care about deeply.

How to Build Your New Year’s Rocket: By Being Your Own Best Friend

Rockets don’t lift off by focusing on gravity; they launch by harnessing energy. In the same way, your personal “rocket” for the new year needs fuel that comes from within. That fuel? It’s self-kindness and a vision rooted in purpose.

When you’re your own best friend, you create a foundation of self-compassion that becomes the launchpad for everything else. From there, you can align with your deeper purpose and use that alignment to shine your light in the world.

Build a Vision That Energizes You

This year, focus on creating a vision for what’s truly yours. Think of this vision as your rocket—a clear, energizing direction that pulls you forward.

Ask yourself:

• What truly matters to me?
• What do I want to bring into the world?
• What would feel deeply meaningful—not just for this year, but for my life?

When your vision is rooted in the kind of purpose that’s aligned with what makes you come alive, it pulls you forward, even on the tough days.

And remember that kindness you want to extend to others. Being your own best friend means giving yourself the grace to grow into that vision, one step at a time, without turning missteps into reasons to feel bad or resolve that things don’t work for you.

The Ripple Effect of Self-Kindness

The beauty of self-kindness is that it doesn’t stop with you. When you approach yourself with compassion, you build the capacity to extend that same care to others. Your ability to reduce your own suffering and increase your own joy naturally spills over into your relationships and your community.

Being your own best friend isn’t just good for you—it’s good for everyone around you. It’s the starting point for building true compassion.

Befriend Yourself, and Watch What Happens

Here’s the truth: being your own best friend isn’t just a feel-good mantra. It’s the foundation for sustainable growth. When you’re kind to yourself, you build resilience. You start making choices from a place of self-respect, not self-loathing.

So, scratch the whole “new year, new you” pressure. You don’t need a new you—you need a kinder you. The kind of you who’s in your own corner, rooting for your success, and forgiving when things don’t go perfectly.

Ready to Start?—With Your One Intention

This year, let your goal be this: show up for yourself, the way you’d show up for someone you love. Be(come) your own best friend.

Scratch the rules. Build your rocket. Let your vision take flight. Become your own best friend.

And just watch how far that rocket takes you. 

Your invitation

As transformation guide, I help people discover their unique vision and build lives that feel purposeful and aligned. If this resonates with you, I’d love to support you on your journey. Together, we can chart a path that’s not just about goals but about the joy and wisdom of living true to yourself. Curious? Click here to find out more.