… with the help of my toolkit: a.k.a. secret (or, really, not so secret) tools from yoga, somatics and Buddhism.
Does your body feel like a safe place?
Maybe you’ve never thought about it, and the question might sound strange to you. It seemed odd to me when I first encountered it a couple of years ago. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I didn’t feel safe in my own body. The question touched me, touched something deep inside. And prompted me to explore the topic further. In fact, it has captivated me ever since. Let me share my story of how I learned to feel safe and at home in my body.
Yoga: Entering Body-Mind Consciousness on the Mat
When I started practicing yoga, I had just moved back home after 12 years abroad and was seeking connection. Having danced since childhood, I liked the familiar setting: a teacher, a group of students, a studio environment, and regular classes. I got into it and enjoyed this kind of working on my self, feeling a sort of kinship with the people that surrounded me. Some of the Asanas came easily to me, and I enjoyed it so much that I became a regular. I had found a new way to engage with my self, my body and my mind – on the mat. Linking breath and movement and allowing for connection were the pillars that built a solid foundation. Around the same time, I also started checking out different kinds of ancient wisdom and self-help books, things like Internal Family Systems, the Presence Process, Return of the Inka, Carlos Castaneda and the like. Yoga helped me get connected with my body and focus inward. After years of living abroad and learning from various cultures, places and systems, it was time for my journey inside, a journey that required new tools and new ways of engaging. Yoga fit me on many different levels and it became my thing.
Somatics – Listening to the Nervous System
I stumbled upon somatics by chance. Well, no, I truly believe things happen for a reason. I read Peter Levine’s In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness and was fascinated by it. I could relate to much of what he described.
oh – yes, this, and this, and this! wow!
This led me to explore somatics, Somatic Experiencing, trauma, the nervous system, Polyvagal Theory, and the vagus nerve. These concepts gave me a new language and understanding of terms that previously eluded me. I started recognizing my own patterns, noticed how often I went into freeze in response to perceived threats. My body would go into high alert at the slightest sign of danger – and I am talking about threats others might not even notice. Sometimes people commented on how calm I seemed, but this was actually a manifestation of a freeze pattern. I took a somatics class where we practiced tools orienting ourselves. They seemed so simple (I mean, they are simple!), yet they are so effective. I still use them all the time. In fact, I practiced them regularly so they became second nature. I learned how to activate or calm my nervous system as needed.
What Do I Need?
Understanding the nervous system on a deeper level profoundly transformed my life. It felt like discovering the holy grail, making me much more comfortable in my own body. And –
I learned that you cannot outsmart your body.
Though we may think of ourselves as rational beings, our systems react far more quickly than we can consciously think. Nowadays I think of it as Kant versus the reptile brain. I liken it to Kant versus the reptilian brain. This is also why speech-based therapy often fails to penetrate our deepest levels; while we might reason our way through issues, our bodies tell the true story. It may even lead to incongruity between your body language and speech – something kids pick up on really fast.
Your body does not lie. It can’t.
It communicates clearly. Building antennas that are able to pick up these signals, gather the information and finally connect within is such a valuable skill. Learning to look out for what I really need, in this very moment, became my secret weapon. It allows me to be in the moment, connect with myself, and cut out external influences, comparisons, judgments or insecurities. I’ve learned to take the time to process and set up what I needed to feel safe and calm my nervous system. I’ve also learned how to create and hold a safe space for others. And to listen within.
Buddhism: My Precious Human Body
And while I learned to engage with my body and listen to it, it took another layer to feel comfortable in my body. When I started engaging in Buddhism, I learned how Buddhism treats the body as essential. It may seem absurd, but seriously, we spent days and weeks contemplating the precious human body. I learned that the body is like a guest house, with me as the guest. I find this analogy helpful: treating your body well is crucial as you don’t have a home to return to without it. Though the body may be a shell that you leave behind after departing this world as we know it, it’s an extremely useful shell. And, it’s super precious as it’s really rare to get a human body (in the cycle of life, rebirth, many options for different kinds of bodies).
In Buddhist thought, the human body is necessary for self-realization. Even gods cannot awaken unless they become humans in a later life. Whether you buy into these teachings or not, they resonated with me. I had this moment when I felt, truly felt, that all was good. And part of that was that I really, truly, deeply appreciated my own body. Coming home to my body felt, and still feels, incredibly good. It has made such a big difference in my life.
Do You Have Body Issues Too?
I’m not sure if you can relate, but I have struggled with body issues – they come and go in waves. I remember being told I was fat when I was a kid. And regardless of how true it was, it was enough to get stuck in my head. In my early twenties, I took up running to get rid of excess energy and clear my head. This, combined with eating a ton of veggies, pretty much steadied my weight for a really long time. Now, I’m two sizes plus from where I used to be, presenting a new challenge in finding home in my body. I became a mom and I got older (AND lazier, a voice is screaming inside!). It is a challenge, and I’m so grateful to have the tools to deal with it. I mean, not the weight part, but the self-talk.
I am in a very different space right now than I used to be, and I welcome this opportunity to check in and see where I stand with self-love and self-care. To truly accept where I am and love my body the way it is, as part of me, rather than go against it and trying to fix it, is a journey in itself. That, too, is part of coming home to my body.
