One summer, I wanted to learn to meditate. I was already well into my yoga practice, but felt I was missing a crucial piece. In my yoga teacher training, we had been taught Vipassana-style meditation. Just sitting still, sometimes with Goenka tapes. And as I was sitting there, wondering what everyone else was doing (or thinking!), I felt out of place. Even though I was able to sit still for whatever timeframe given, even up to an hour, I was seriously questioning whether I “got it” or not. Just sitting still waiting for time to pass couldn’t be the point of it all, I wondered.

I was ready to get serious about meditation. I wanted to learn the real thing. So I was looking for a Vipassana retreat.

It all started with the intention to meditate

Alas, life has its way of doing things. I ended up in a two-month full-on academic program that combined rigorous learning with meditation sessions. How I got there?

Well, one day a dance buddy of mine told me she was planning to do a summer program at that one Buddhist place in Upper Austria. Turns out, she ended up going to a place in Portugal, and I found out about Gomde and its summer program.

But all summer long? What about my plan to go hiking to all those wonderful places I had in mind? A 10-day retreat would leave me with lots more time to go hiking. And no, not an academic program! What about my intention to learn to meditate! After all the rigorous academic training I’d gone through, I felt my intellect was not the part of me that needed further feeding. Yet I signed up.

I was super skeptical at first, dipping my little toe in the water and retracting immediately. In fact, I was so afraid to commit to the full program that I asked for a trial period. I needed the back door open, my system was so not ready to do this. I felt weirded-out and, honestly, a bit scared. What kind of sect did I get myself into? Tibetan Buddhism, wasn’t that the “diamond vehicle,” that snobby form of Buddhism that I was warned about in my high-school ethics class?

Little did I know that this – this place, this summer, this community – would change my life. I was at a Buddhist Center – not in India, Tibet or Nepal, or other places you would normally expect to find me, but in my own country, Austria.

Gomde – a Buddhist Center for meditation and studies

I was in Gomde, Rangjung Yeshe Gomde Austria, a Buddhist Center built on top of a hill surrounded by lush green forests, rolling hills, and mountains in the backdrop. Add the lovingly fostered gardens and ponds around it, and you’re in a place so scenic and serene, it’s hard not to be touched.

What impressed me most about Gomde was the welcoming atmosphere. If I had to put words to it, it’s a bit like this: everyone does their best to let their inner Buddha shine. It’s not that there aren’t differences in opinion or conflict, but how they get dealt with is different. Like a resident said: “It’s not like we don’t see your quirks, it’s that we love you anyways.” In a loving and caring atmosphere, you bring out the best in people. And hold space for when there’s grief, pain, heartache and suffering of other kinds.

It didn’t take too long and I loved it there. It was my kind of place. I finally felt welcome, seen, and felt that I belonged. Gomde lives off of volunteers, and as those who know me know, volunteering is my thing. Even my very first job in college was to coordinate volunteers, and I have worked in non-profits throughout my international career. I love the spirit of taking the time to do something you truly believe in, to do so in service, with your heart set out to make the world a better place.

My daily life in Gomde

Our days started with a meditation session following the Tibetan practice. It was lovely to be called in by a gong, get together in the Lhakhang (the shrine and meditation room), and sit together reciting and meditating, guided by a lama (a monk with extensive meditation practice). I didn’t feel alone, I felt part of something larger, something sacred. Even though the practice was new and unfamiliar, even strange, as it is held in Tibetan (with English read-along texts) and contains loud drumming and silent parts, it didn’t take long for me to like it, to even look forward to it. It was comforting to have that rhythm and repetition for things to sink in. After breakfast, we got back together with the lama and an interpreter for a teaching in “the tradition” (Tibetan Buddhist Traditional monastic teaching, adapted for Westerners), then a seminar and discussion with the profs (PhD-level Buddhist scholars) followed by lunch. We had the afternoons off to integrate, read up and study. There was an additional optional afternoon meditation session, though I decided to skip that. The program was intensive enough as it was, and I wanted to explore the area and have more time to myself.

As we all lived in Gomde, oftentimes impromptu study groups were formed or we would just hang out and share what was going on. We all also had little volunteer “jobs” in and around the house that helped integrate us and become part of the center.

My struggles with meditation

I wanted so hard to let go, to open up and yet I was afraid at the same time. I had this image come up. It was a comic figure, standing against a wall, pushing it away. I no longer wanted them, the walls around my heart. I don’t know if I’d ever prayed, but I prayed they would go away, that my heart could expand. I also felt like my intellect was in the way, that knowing more makes one worry more, and that stands in the way of being happy. I was a worrier and an over-thinker, analyzing everything left, right and center and conjuring up all sorts of negative scenarios. I needed to let go. I had come to a point where something had to give. I was ready for change.

Daily meditation sessions and the loving, knowing guidance of a Tibetan monk, a.k.a. a professional meditator, did their magic. That presence! It was this indescribable feeling of being seen, heard, understood, and supported – without saying much. Two weeks into the program, I had this pivotal moment. My life was the same, and never the same, after that.

I sat there, tears streaming down my face. I knew that everything was going to be good. Everything was good. I would find my way. I was well on my way.

I went outside and sat by a tree. Happy. Calm. Still in tears, but fully present and fully me. Everything would turn out well. Everything was the way it was meant to be. I was on my path, the only path that worked for me, and I had found yet another puzzle piece.

Finding my spiritual home

I learned a lot that summer. After that opening, I settled into the space. I continued studying and reflecting and practicing. I learned a lot about Buddhism, and about myself.

Gomde left a deep impression on me. I learned so much not only from the classroom and meditation sessions, but also from the place itself and its culture. To me, one of the most important aspects is community support. Someone will always be further along than you are, and can help guide you, and you in turn may become that guide to someone else. A true community supports you through happy as well as tough times. Having experienced the power of community there and also in various other settings before that, I realized it’s a key ingredient for transformation. Gomde became my spiritual home.

No practice without practicing

In the years since, I have continued to visit Gomde whenever I could. I come for seminars, workshops, meditation sessions, festivities, and to help out around the house and gardens. I come to recharge my batteries and refuel my enthusiasm for practice. I kept and keep learning, and keep collecting what works. And I took a ton of notes, so I can pinpoint to the levers that helped catapult my inner growth.

My work has become to help guide others in their personal transformation and share what I found most useful. So, if I got you curious and you’re ready to dive deeper, click here to learn more about how to work with me.